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I had some weird dreams last night. Partially lucid as well while fading in and out of twilight sleep.
it was a long, continuing dream about being at work...not work as I have now, but myself in a future capacity, as some sort of consultant, who was working with 3 different clients during the course of the dream. they were each different...one an artists group trying to get funding with whom I wasapparently putting together a PR packet and 'branding' locally for their specialty in product design, the second a club that was looking to market to a mellow yet affluent older crowd in a lounge type setting with art events, wine showcases, and attempting to market what I can only call lounge style DJs with world music flair, and lastly, the unpleasant client in the bunch, a corporate group of suits who wanted to market to a young hip crowd (though in the dream, I cannot recall WHAT they were marketing at all other than it was some sort of finacial service), but who held the people they were marketing to in contempt and looked down their noses at being forced by higher ups to do so.
It was a nice dream, during which I became aware that I was dreaming, and in part,steered the direction of it. For the most part I decided to let the dream play out with out doing anything to change it's course or do something 'interesting' like dissolve the scene of mundane activity to do something like fly, as I just wanted to see how it panned out. It was like my brain was doing a practice run for what may come to be, and was setting some staging for future potential. even more interestingly, because at the time I was half asleep, i would occasionally say to myself in the dream, hrm, let me check the time so I know how close to the alarm i am, come out of the dream, awaken, check the time, go get a drink or go pee, come back and return more or less where I left off. I enjoy dreams like that.
The dream was mundane in aspect as nothing surreal happened until the end, just before waking (which happened exactly 3 minutes before alarm time). In the end it took a very abrupt change, which in many people's eyes would have been considered disturbing or horrific...but which left me feeling very very content. the 'bad' clients had become anthopomorphized (sp?) pig people slowly over the dream. Grunting nasties, akin to the politicians in Animal Farm.
They began to argue in a boardroom I where I had just given a power point presentation, and where I was also rather disgusted had taken them on as clients but I always followed through wit ha deal....and was eager to end my contract and be done with them. They began to argue, over budget, to whine over marketing to the younger, greener, hip, socially conscious set, and the argument turned into literal biting, tearing at each other. In the end half were dead.
I stood and watched a bit amazed. I remember noting how interesting it was that I have a sense of smell in my dreams, still aware I was dreaming, and that blood was a smell I liked but that still manages to create nausea in large amounts, even in imaginary places like dreams. I was not disturbed because 1)I knew I ws dreaming and 2) I hated these people and was glad to see hem set upon themselves. There was a blurry bit I don't recall then the scene changed...and someone was roasting some pig for us, in a nice fire pit at an artist's colony out in the woods. The fire pit itself was part of a gorgeous metal sculpture. we sat down and had dinner around it. I remember thinking, huh, things even taste good in dreams...this is delicious, juicy, fatty roast pork...but they were people, do people taste like this? Is this cannibalism if they are people-pigs? I have always wondered what people taste like....
I awoke, actually hungry.
Yet I awoke feeling really pleased about the dream, even with the surreal 'unpleasant' bits, which only served to appease some darker part of me. Besides, they were the bad guys anyway, in the dream :)
perhaps watching the movie called The Washingtonians (involves cannibalism among our country's forefathers)a few days ago didn't help :)
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my laptop kicked it. I rode it hard for 3 years, modded it, hacked it, fucked around with it, took it entirely apart and reassembled it a half dozen times, and it finally gave up the ghost. I am shopping for a new laptop. It need to be able to do tasks associated with my interning and freelance work - office oriented work, powerpoint, ect...but also video editing, photo processing/photoshop, dreamweaver, and using adobe flash. Oh, and a side bit of decent cam, but thats not priority. Bluetooth would be nice. I don't game much at all on pc, but I do love to watch movies on it - plus the video edit work -, so I prefer a nice clean sharp display, perhaps HD. I need it to be fast, hoping for both good ram of at least DDR2 if not DDR3, perhaps (hoping anyway) for a dual processor. Good battery life a plus but not super important. Not too heavy. Lightweight would rock, but not to sacrifice other specs.
This will be a personal laptop, and I will also ride this hard and mod/hack/tinker and torrent. I will use it to implement my new work, but PJ is actually setting me up with a work laptop seperately, so that can be taken into consideration. I want my own so I don't risk any loss of pc function while in the middle of a work related job, and still enjoy my tech toy activities. Plus, keeping office-y media and paperwork on a seperate computer than may have...well, we shall call it questionable content/shady media acquisition/nsfw file is simply wise.
My last laptop was a Vostro, and it was great, so I am not ruling out another. The Toshiba Satellite (the dual processor version) has appeal. Dell has always done me well. HP has not.
I want PC, not mac.
I'd love any input or suggestions/advice you may have to help me select a new laptop. I can spend more than I have in the past, but not a grand. If there is something between $350-700 that can be upgraded as I go that starts at a lower price, thats great. I am cheap, so if any of what I want can be done for $4-500, even better. I am able to self install hardware for upgrades later rather than pay someone else, so that helps.
Thanks guys!
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My grocery store sells fisheads super duper cheap, including salmon. I was craving salmon this week, and soup. at $1.29 lb, what adventurous foodie can resist? Certainly not I.
Tonight was fish head pot luck soup. Besides myself, the only denizens of my home that will partake are of the feline persuasion.
The cats were thrilled.
In a saucepan, along with water almost to the top, I pretty much threw in whatever caught my fancy. A few basil leaves, and oregano from the plant. A spoonful of garlic oil, 3 cloves of garlic. Half an onion, a celery stalk, a half dozen mushrooms. A large frond of dried seaweed instead of salt (later removed). rosemary, a bay leaf, some Mrs. Dash. The nwhat? Hrm, rummage, rummage. Sherry, the cheapo cooking kind...wow that smells good. A few dashes of orange bitters. Interesting scent. fish sauce. and...hey look, dried lotus root. Sure why not.
So good, the result.
do you know once it is cooked a salmon head falls to pieces when you press down with a fork? Seriously. There is no longer any true skull...the main braincase turns to a jellyish cartilage, the faceial structure are pretty much bony plates.
I just love to pick through the carnage, pulling out the bony/chewy bits. The skin, very fatty, some of the middle of the head bits, maybe even the eyes, they go onto the cat's plate, and we all dine happily.
A nice pinot grigio makes a nice match, too.
*licks lips*
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For those interested...
I am taking the following to help reduce asthma...
A paste/goop made of equal parts powdered asafoetida, ginger, tumeric and a touch less of slippery elm, blended with a local, non pastuerized honey. A big spoonful of theis every 4 or so hours, chased with a half a cup of a *strong* brew of the following tea - quart jar, steeping a box of Lok Wo Cha tea for colds (contains - Lophatherum Gracile, Prunella Vulgaris, Imperata Cylindrica, Morus alba, Menta Arvensis, Scutellaria Baicalensis, Agastache Rugosis and Ledebouriella), and equal parts mullein, coltsfoot and passion flower...and a half dozen eucalypus leaves.
Add in a spoonful of dissolved vit C with bioflavinoids (as much as my gut can take), extra magnesium, and extra flaxseed/fish oil, primrose oil and echinacia. Also, garlic oil. This is in addition to my slew of viatmins. Before bed, valerian, and melatonin.
For J's bad back spasms, the following (which will make you drowsy) - strong tea with equal parts skullcap, passion flower and eucommia to chase encapsulated valerian with. Needless to say, this is also a lovely sleep aid, and a sedative. The eucommia is specific to back pain in chinese medicine.
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One bright and sunny Sunday afternoon, 4 middle-aged men decide to go down to the local golf course and play.
When the men arrive to the course, the 4th guy gets a call, and decides to take it.
While the 4th guy is gone, the other 3 begin talking about their children while waiting for the man to return.
The first man said, "My son is making a name for himself. He started as a local real estate agent. He now owns his own firm. In fact, he gave a good friend of his a brand new house within the past 6 months, as a gift."
The second man, not to be out done, said, "Oh yeah? Well, my son started out as a local car salesman. He now owns a chain of luxury car dealerships. In fact, he gave 2 new cars to a good friend, as a giftl within the past 6 weeks."
The third man, definately not to be outdone, said, "Oh yeeaahh? Welll. My son started out as a lowly stock broker, but he now owns his own stock broker firm. He even gave a good friend of his a big stock portfolio as a gift."
By this time, the fourth man has returned. The first guy says, "We were just talking about how successful our kids have become. What about yours?"
The guy responds, "I'm not very proud of my son. I learned just 6 months ago that my son is gay, and that he owns a hair salon." Beforee the other 3 men could say anything in disgust, the guy adds-on, "But he must be good at what he does, because his last the boyfriends have given him a new house, 2 brand new cars, and a big stock portfolio."
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in the last few weeks, I've taken on the seriously daunting task of sorting through crap I've totally ignored in the 2 years living in this house, to discard. I've not even begun to seriously touch the remains of my mothers belongings, having ended up reading her poems exactly once and falling apart. But I've gotten brave enough to attack the rest, finally.
I am a mild hoarder myself. I am happiest in clutter, to a degree. As a kid, I loved having shelves and shelves of books, bottles, herbs, dolls, and interesting objects to look at (bones, stones, shells, ect). Everywhere. I liked to fill up every available space with items. I like to have my visual field crowded, with lots of little details to look at. I love to surround myself with my interests, which are really diverse. I collected...everything. I made costumes and that took up lots of space (still does).
And it's carried over to adulthood. However, when I moved back here, my home from childhood, I came bearing a ton of my crap. On top of that, the house holds several tons more of the occupants who have lived here in the last century. There are belongings of my dad, who for close to two years kept saying he'd come get more of it, before telling me, fine, ditch it. There are pockets of my brothers former belongings. There are a TON of paint buckets, tools, items half finished from the basement workshop, and mind you, that collection of tools and devices are a mish mash of my brother's, my dad's, my grandfather's. There are random things hidden away from both sets of grandparents even now that I occasionally unearth while rummaging in the disaster of a basement.
Worst for me is the still plentiful items that belonged to my deceased mother. I am still not over her death. I have the damndest time discarding her things. She was a hoarder too, a collector, and her items related often to hobbies. Collecting silver tea sets and china tea cups. knitting, sewing, collecting kerosene lanterns. Country style furniture. Pans for cooking. Pictures, greeting cards over 50 years, her notes in shorthand. It shreds me a little bit each time I try to go through these.
So for now, I discard what I can. Old furniture has slowly been going - 6 chairs last week, a love seat. Side table, ratty rugs are gone. Tonight broken coffee makers and bedraggled suitcases, out. Two GIANT bags of clothes from every corner of this house, and a shit ton more to sort and go, and finally starting to rid myself of clothes that don't fit, admitting that I'm not a size 6, don't want to be a size 6, and would like to have clothes that fit, so out these go to be donated to Meridian House. Some weeks, like this one, I get depressed because the process of sorting keepers, from trash, from donations ends up with spreading them all around the room. While much of it went out, what remains looks like hell, like i live in some crazy mess of a squat, but there is no WAY I have the energy to finish this tonight. I feel rather unhappy that the room looks worse than when I started, even if I've rid myself of a lot.
I'm sure that eventually I'll feel that lovely feeling that purging is supposed to create.
Eventually I will be pleased that I finally faced a mountain of crap and got it moving out the door.
Eventually, who knows, maybe it will help me along to discarding other parts of my life that are not quite so physical but need to go too. A new job perhaps. New people. And out with the ones that do nothing but occupy my space and and time and mind in favor of the new and improved.
In the mean time despite the mess I see around me today, I'll look forward to freeing up spme space for a few new items to take into the house, and it IS satisfying to look out my window at the pile outside and see for myself why they had to go, looking as shopworn as they will in the morning sun.
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this was written as a comment in a friend's lj, and I wanted to post it for myself as well.
(in regards to 'comments conversations) I tend to have comment conversations on FB constantly, or as 'wall posts' or what we call 'take it to the inbox'. Similar to here.
I have been integrating a wider group of people into my life, which requires some filtering (of a different sort). I do not post deep, in depth thoughts to FB, if I have the urge to do so, I post one of my currently rare LJ posts, which I have set to publish to my FB automatically if left public.
FB has many (of my) new contacts related to my exploration of social media marketing as a possible 'career' path. I have a knack for reaching people with venues such as FB/twitter; that's what started this. I network in a much more 'outside world' way there on FB. Most of what I express is 'light fare'...quick and easy ways to post articles, videos, pictures of interest.I love the mobile aspect as well, as I can chronicle things/events/foods/friends, as they happen. I can tag these items to reach certain people that I know it would strike a fancy for, while still leaving it open to the public IF I choose. My brother and I, as well as my co workers from BOTH jobs, socialize on it. We often gripe or joke about work WHILE we are working, from our cell phones, which makes time pass pleasantly and also relieves tensions. I use it to bring in customers on days I work...again, with both jobs.
I will not stay away from lj forever and always - I made a decision to, for a time, not focus on all my inner workings, not to get myself lost in introspection. I want to get back to that, in time, but lj sometimes has made me get 'stuck', mired on over evaluating situations rather than playing it by ear and flowing, as I used to. Not using lj was breaking a sort of addiction. I've let certain relationships flow into a different place, which would not have happened if I wrote about it on lj...which I would have, even if I originally came to lj to post something else. I would focus too much on the crap at work, which keeps me from focusing on positive aspects.
It was a pattern that is not good and where I seemed to go for a while on lj.
the time is coming soon to once again post to my journal, with a differing focus. I personally just needed time away from lj. FB let me have a similar fix with a differing focus.
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I have experienced a unique and actually interesting side effect from this antibiotic, which I have never taken before.
they call it "smell/taste perversion". Supposedly, the meds commonly reduce smell and taste...ut for me...it has amplified it to a crazy degree.
I didn't realize it was the meds right away until it dawned on me the peak of the effect occurs within the first 6 hours after taking the pill. It has been constant over all, but strongest then.
the first day I was being driven insane by what I thought was an imaginary burnt plastic smell. I later discover a cig burn on the couch pillow...literally 6 feet away. Crimson couldn't smell it unless she had it up to her nose.
I can smell WAAAAY too much. The first day it was downright nauseating and unpleasant...it was the day before trash went out. I could smell it...three rooms away, in the can. I could smell wet towels in the bathroom. I could smell the utterly wretched overall smoke smell left in this house from years and years of my dad smoking here. I could smell dust, cats, cat boxes. Ripe banana scent near made me puke. Even the flowers on the table made me feel queasy, simple roses, and not even very fragrant ones really. However, food suddenly smelled sublime.
After day two and some adjustment I find I can filter out to a degree my focus on scents that are more unpleasant.
Today, day 3, out in the world...some scents bring me close to hurling....buildings, something dead somewhere in the area, bad greasy cooking, the subway oil scent. Others were just...AMAZING. Cut grass, baking bread, the ocean breeze.
I had spent today, my first day out, not counting trips to the clinic, after a full week of being half dead and feverish on my couch, at a mock trial for which I was paid(That might be a separate post). We left at 5, and i had several lovely, peaceful hours to myself before i was to rendesvous with Crimson and J, who went to go see Terminator:Salvation. I decided to have my first lobster roll of the season at Legal Seafoods. My server, Sophie, she was a delight to interact with. The lobster roll...lobster, it turns out, when having one's sense of smell boosted so, is sublime. I discovered quickly that i had to almost eliminate the addition of lemon or it destroyed the nuances. The roll was wretched with my taste and smell boosted. French fries were...alien. Seriously, the taste of french fries, though good, was too much...too oily (though they were not greasy), too salty, too starchy. Actually, starch in general did not fly, it seems. One of my favorite wines, Dr. Frank's Reisling, well...it was utter FAIL with my taste buds as they were. The scent was wrecked by far too much acidity. Unsweetened iced tea, however, was nice, best of all, I could taste the unsqueezed lemon very clearly in the brew.
After meeting J & Crimson, I took them to the North End. We went to Cantina Italiana. I had an antipasto...cheese was so ridiculously complex, even while the salt and peppercorn urned my tongue. Prosciutto ...mmm, despite overwhelming salt (which it really wasn't). roasted artichoke hearts were...curious. Vinegared mushrooms were utterly nauseating. Salumi was not tolerable...the fatty flavor and salt killed any other flavor, although I've had it efore and liked it just fine. Whatever pinot grigio was selected was dry, crisp, but smelled so weird to me, almost musty (J said it smelled fine, and dry), but tasted great. Limoncello was amazing. Canolli was a touch too rich, as the butter in the shell tasted...off. Espresso, sans sugar...mmm.
Came home and went to sleep. I wore myself out.
J just made us some pasta with butter, parmagean, EVOO, and fresh basil and greek orgegano, as well as garlic chives, from the garden.
WOW.
Never thought any antibiotic would have an interesting side effect.
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chaoticerotic's journal
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Historical Record