Paloma Sangre, Queen of Uncanny Valley (chaoticerotic) wrote,
Paloma Sangre, Queen of Uncanny Valley

Albany, I might come back...who knows.

I moved to Boston, with much aggravation and expense for two reasons - to get J treatment for his issues and to get back to living in my family home, which comes with it's own set of my own issues. Now, j is on his own for treatment, my dad wants his own space although I am welcome to "visit", and I am very, very sad and  put out at the thought of leaving. I hate this. My whole life tossed upside down again in my head because I need to move and all I want is a secure feeling of HOME..

If I don't live here, I have almost ZERO reason to live in Boston\

I HATE and am growing to fucking LOATHE my place of employment. They are paranoid that I am part of a lawsuit because I am associated with the person suing them, they spy on our LOCKED FB accounts, people generally get treated like underlings and talked down to and yet they want to know why I am "uncomfortable" being around upper management/owners. Since this is gonna crosspost to FB, and they MAY read it - Because, folks, you probably wouldn't be so paranoid i was out to screw you if you knew you had treated me better than you have - and continue to - but I'm not so ethically corrupted by the moral cesspool that I WOULD do that. But the FB spying is a bunch of CRAP, and as a tec savvy person, I will just let it be said that I watched your little remote view program in action while i was there. In case you are wondering how it keeps getting disabled.

That said, work also is nights and weekends, so i have ZERO social life with the people i know and love who DO live in Boston, more or less. And there are only maybe 3-4 of them anyway.

 All the rest of the people i care about and miss dearly are back in...Albany.

School, you ask? Well, i could transfer to Hudson Valley. I would get to see Crimson again, and Brit who is now a self maintaining, functioning adult. I have a dozen and then some friends. i could actually get my cake and eat it to - my dad said i could certainly do what I did for the year before I moved here - travel back and forth by train weekly in order to keep working at the club...until or unless i get other employment and cease doing so. Albany is a metric fuckton less expensive, and i even have potential room mates there. I could probably pick up life model work at the colleges again, as I still have all those contacts. and then there is burlesque.

Since I moved here I have had maybe a once a year occasion to use any of my now mouldering-in-the-damp-basemet costumes. I simply cannot DO boston burlesque...there is simply NO scene anything like can be found in NY where it is mixed media, spontaneous, loosely organized and flexible, able to be done either on whim or rehearsed. Here, groups that do BQ are pretty much closed to outsiders, or require serious, theatrical commitment....weekly rehearsals and starting as an apprentice and so on. I'm not able to do that, and frankly, it takes much of the fun out of it, as my style is far more of flash flood ideas and inspirations that are done in bars or pubs, not theaters or fancy ass harvard university owned night clubs or theaters. So I feel like I'm wasting away, as far as bq goes. I MISS BING BAMBOO ROOM.

I don't really want all the hassle in reverse it took to move here. But i have no motivation to stay, either.

As it stands, I'm looking for a tenancy at will apartment here in Eastie. Winter is upon us and that is NOT going to be any time of year to move anyway. I would have to detach myself from my belongings and that will take some work anyway. After spring hits, I will see how I feel once the next semester wraps up. If Albany still seems like a good idea, you guys might be seeing me there once more.

No matter what, I need to GTFO of working in nightclubs of any sort. UGH.
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